It’s actually starting to set in that you’re not here. I found out today I have half as many minutes as I thought I did and I’ve already used half of them apparently. That’s not fair. Hearing your voice is the thing I look forward to the most every day, as soon as I’m starting to feel a bit sad or bummed out when I’m missing you I just ring you up and even five little minutes on the phone just blethering is enough to keep me going until the next day.
I like that I can tell you everything I’m not able to fit into our little conversations on here, even though I wish I could lie down next to you and snuggle in and you can tell me everything all about what you’ve been doing and go on about it as long as you want. Hopefully when you get into your hostel you’ll have a little spot where you can sneak off and skype me for like an hour or something, that would make my life especially if I could see your happy little face at the other end. That would make me so happy.
I wish I’d paid more attention and tried harder to remember our time before you left. I feel like I wasn’t careful enough, we spent so much time together I was so happy I wasn’t thinking that that time would be capped or have to stop for any reason. But then in the few weeks before you went away I started to realise how special and amazing it is just to spend time with you and spent way much more time appreciating it. But I don’t regret anything. I think that the way we’ve done everything has been perfect, we spent so long trying to figure out a way for it to work and got ourselves so upset but without that fear of losing you and that glance of my future without you in it, then I wouldn’t have treasured those last couple of days with you as much as I did, and I also would be finding it harder to sit without you here.
But now I think about you and I remember exactly how it feels to cuddle into you in bed, the way we hold hands, the way you look at me and I can see from your eyes without you even saying anything that you love me just as much as I love you and I know that it’s not the last time I’ll ever see you and we’ll have plenty more kisses and cuddles and nights together, but all of my memories of you are just memories, they’re times that have already happened and have passed and I don’t even know when the next time I’m going to see you is.
I know you hate christmas and I know that you don’t really care whether or not you’re actually here, but I like christmas, it’s good in our house and with this being the best year of my life so far just from being with you, I would really love you to be there for the end of it too. Then for once I can actually have everything I want and have the best christmas of my life because I get to see you again, even if you’re moaning about candy canes the whole time.